Well anyway, I've been sucking down vodka banana smoothies in this gloriously overwhelming afternoon sun, three of my favorite boys curled up on the tiles around my feet - I just love running my toes up and down the bumps on their inhumanely long slender abdomens...
Why hello, Duchess! What a stupendous concoction of haberdasher mastercraftery rests upon thy regal noggin!
Bumps, smoothies... yes, while sucking down vodka and reading the wire, that discussion on "Tests of Faith" caught my attention (given that I so adore both). Now, whether or not this or that blood addled madman on this or that throne represents a "test of faith," a "sign," or (as is more likely the case) "business as usual" - the Empire's failure to assimilate these *adorable* creatures (now sweetie, you know he bites when you pinch those ) certainly qualifies as dropping more than a few ordained balls.
Behave!
The Ni-Kunni, the Udorians, the Khannid, the Parthinians, the Mohikans, the Kilts and the Kumquats, you name it, going back centuries into longer stretches of time, time and again, efficient Amarrian social integration flawlessly expanded the size and diversity of our Empire, repeatedly. Then, not that terribly long ago - at the height of its relative technological superiority - said Empire could not manage to assimilate three societies which had collectively gotten about as far as attaching an internal combustion engine to a buggy and calling it a powered wagon.
Although Jovian meddling certainly tossed the mother of all monkeys at that wench... wrench at these monkeys...
Gar-sewn! Another smoothie!
Right, although the Jove (may they rot in their vacuous graves) played foil to God's project plan, it wasn't really *all* them, now, was it, sweeties? Somewhere around my seventh smoothie... and I've completely lost track how many tummy bumps - kitchy kitchy kitchy koo koo!
Somewhere around then, it hit me.
It is the humble man who knows his place before God, and so it is humble Humility who rules the Virtues.
Trying to assimilate three substantially different beast tribes all at once - without vanquishing their respective primal aspects in turn - was not humble and led to catastrophic failure. Really, I should have seen this from the holos hidden away by Great Auntie Kali up in the monastery attic. Only two members of my extended clan have ventured into space, at least for any extended period of time, and we couldn't have been more different, Great Auntie Kali and me. She was a vicious, conniving, cruel dominatrix with a taste for bare bottoms and... so we couldn't have been more alike, Great Auntie and me.
Though she did not participate in the original seizure of Pitter-Pa'tor, after swimming in one of the lakes that you're not really supposed to swim in, she informed the family that the Lady of that Lake had demanded Auntie take to the stars. So off she went to Patagonia. She made nice with a Vharsoothian clan that offered to show her where Sebiestor were hiding in muddy holes - nothing changes, does it, sweeties? Who *is* a good boy!?
Well, there you have it. Had the Empire contented itself to assimilate one feral tribe at a time, matters would have proceeded as smoothly as a Versoopial teen's curving back. I therefore submit that rather than trying to re-assimilate the whole bloody lot of them, we just pick *one* of the Matari tribes to tango with at a time.
Gar-sewn! A tango!
The example of success would then surely facilitate swirling with the other two. But which to pick first?
Mummy has her favorite, doesn't she, sweetie boo-boo-moogie-woogie-woogies
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